So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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