Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
