im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
