I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Couch. On fire.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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