So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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