Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
