I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
