I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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