so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize