If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
