Jerry, you need to find god
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
