I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
