dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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