ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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