I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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