good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
