Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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