Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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