Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
