And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
