unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
