why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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