Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drunk is not a location!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
