a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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