rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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