Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
