you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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