My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
