You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
