my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
