Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
