We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
