Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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