My nipple is on Facebook.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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