see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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