Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
