If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize