he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
