your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
