She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
