I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
