I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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