Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
