Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
