once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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