Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
