I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
