You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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