Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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