You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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