I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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