don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
