I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
