dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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