I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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