Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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