I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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