she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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