My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
