Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
