I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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