dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You ruined the universe
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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