I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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