i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
someone owes me an orgasm
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
