Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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