Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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