I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
